'' Arhhhh..unfair unfair! I want to rematch! '' Valencia's Roberto 

'' Let's dance, babes! Yeah baby. Come on baby! '' J. Herrnendez

'' Hey, please be gentlemen and discipline! '' Anderson

'' Good Good Good! We're the best, Red Devils! '' R.Ferdinand

'' Mexican left kick! Valencia never catch this before! '' J.Hermendez

'' Don't run away. Give me back my ball, Asshole! '' Anderson

'' Hey you. Stole my ball and trying to run away? '' Evra

'' Shut up, Valencia fans! Please talk to my hand! '' Ferdinand

'' Yeah . Great! We're the best, Red Devils! '' Ferdinand.
'' Can you give me a hug? I wanna cry now! '' Nani.

Hernandez smash and grab steals United win

Manchester United new-boy Javier Hernandez chose the perfect time to net his first competitive goal for the Red Devils as his 85th-minute winner proved too much for Valencia.

Although United rarely looked like breaking their sequence of three successive goalless draws in Spain, Sir Alex Ferguson will not care too much as his side emerged with three crucial points.

The mere fact Hernandez's goal, drilled expertly into the far corner after fellow substitute Federico Macheda had cut a cross back from the right, provided United with only their second victory in 19 attempts against Spanish opposition on Spanish soil tells you just how hard it is.

Instead of having ground to make up in the battle to reach the knockout phase, United can now look forward to back-to-back clashes with Group C makeweights Bursaspor knowing six points will virtually secure their place in the last 16 of this season's Champions League.

Having called for greater defensive solidity, the return of Rio Ferdinand ensured Ferguson got it and now United will hope to take that form into their Premier League challenge as well following recent hiccups.

Ferguson only needed to look at the record books to understand how hard it would be to win. On 18 trips to Spain to face Spanish opposition, the solitary victory came against Deportivo La Coruna in 2002.

United's last three visits had ended goalless, which would probably have been an acceptable outcome from what, on paper at least, was their hardest Group C fixture, even taking into account that surprising stalemate with Rangers at Old Trafford a fortnight ago.

It seemed Valencia would not be too displeased either, though they certainly showed more attacking intent with right-back Miguel and right-winger Pablo causing Patrice Evra no end of problems.

Dimitar Berbatov may have been expecting a little more forward support from Anderson, but the Brazilian midfielder's approach appeared a little more cautious, as he feels his way back into the side following more than six monthas on the sidelines.

Berbatov last started a match in this competition in Moscow 11 months ago, and itt was 12 months prior to that since his last goal. He came close to ending the drought when he cut inside from the left touchline where he spent so much time and curled a shot just wide.

That represented the sum total of United's threat to the Valencia goal, although, with Ferdinand back to reinforce their own rearguard, they looked far more secure than in recent weeks and restricted their hosts to general pressure rather than clear-cut opportunities.

Their best came through a rare mistake from Edwin van der Sar, who completely failed to cut out Alejandro Dominguez's right-wing cross. Roberto Soldado seemed to be waiting more in hope than expectation of getting his head on the ball and it showed as he reacted to what was actually a clear sight of goal far too slowly and turned it over.

Pablo was Valencia's danger-man throughout, though, fizzing a couple of crosses into dangerous areas before the break, then firing wide of the far-post immediately after it after he had cut in from his right-wing station.
Park Ji-Sung was lucky to survive into the second period after receiving a rollicking from his manager for giving the ball away rather too often.

Berbatov is rarely guilty of that offence and after bursting past David Navarro failed to take his second opportunity of the game when Cesar Sanchez made an important feet-first save, even if the Bulgarian had been trying to score from an acute angle.

Neither side looked like getting one, or deserved to given the paucity of chances. The introduction of Manuel 
Fernandes did trigger an improvement from Valencia and Van der Sar needed to push away the midfielder's long-range effort before Soldado came close to turning home Aritz Aduriz's cross with a desperate attempt at a diving header.

It looked for all the world like ending in a stalemate, but Hernandez's smash and grab effort saw United leave the Mestalla with all three points.

Valencia 0 - 1 Manchester United

Chris Jericho and Randy Orton are walking in the back because they have a match and it is next.

Randy Orton interrupts the list because he apparently wants to wrestle his match.

Randy Orton vs Chris Jericho
Jericho with a kick and forearm to the head and then he sends Orton into the turnbuckles. Jericho with an Irish whip but Orton with a clothesline out of the corner. Orton punches Jericho and then he drapes Jericho on the apron and connects with a punch and uppercut. Orton with an uppercut but Jericho with a punch. Orton with punches to the back but Jericho with a thumb to the eye. Jericho with kicks and then he punches Orton. Jericho has something to say to Orton but that angers Orton and he punches Jericho. Orton clotheslines Jericho over the top rope to the floor. Jericho sends Orton into the ringside barrier as we go to commercial.

We are back and Orton with a clothesline and then he gives Jericho the Garvin Stomp.

Sheamus comes out to watch the match from the stage and Orton loses his focus on the match. Orton sees Jericho coming but Jericho with an enzuigiri. Jericho catapults Orton into the bottom rope as Sheamus watches . . . fella. Jericho chokes Orton in the ropes. Jericho misses the splash in the ropes and he crotches himself. Orton punches Jericho but Jericho with an Irish whip. Jericho misses a charge into the corner and he hits the ring post with his shoulder. Orton tries for the RKO but Jericho with a back slide for a near fall. Jericho with a drop kick and another near fall. Jericho with a reverse chin lock. Orton with a double sledge to escape the chin lock. Jericho with a drop kick for a near fall. Jericho pulls down the knee pad and then he connects with a knee drop. Jericho with a near fall. Jericho with a reverse chin lock and he puts his knee in Orton’s back. Orton with a belly-to-back suplex on Jericho and both men are down.

Orton with a clothesline or two and then he hits the power slam. Orton with an Irish whip but he charges into a boot and Jericho with a bulldog. Jericho tries for the Lionsault but Jericho lands on his feet when Orton moves. Orton wit ha back breaker and then he tries for the RKO but Jericho avoids the move. Jericho hits the Lionsault and gets a near fall. Jericho tries for the springboard drop kick but Orton moves out of the way. Orton tries for the IEDDT but Jericho escapes it and he puts Orton in the Walls of Jericho. Jericho pulls Orton into the center of the ring because Orton was getting too close to the ropes. Orton rolls through and kicks Jericho to the floor. Orton with the IEDDT to Jericho. Orton summons the power of the Viper with his rhythmic pounding on the mat.

Sheamus enters the ring and the referee calls for the bell. Orton gives Sheamus an IEDDT.


Winner: Randy Orton by disqualification

Orton sets for the field goal kick on Sheamus and Jericho hits the Codebreaker on Orton.

Jericho gets a chair and he waits for Orton to get up. Orton avoids the chair and he hits an RKO on Jericho. Jericho is down in the corner and Orton thinks about it and he lines up for a fifty five yard field goal and it is good.

Sheamus recovers in time to see the carnage in the ring. Sheamus realizes that Orton is crazy . . . fella.

DUTCHGREEN TEA

Always try Vodka, Martini, Rum and Gin. It's kinda boring! So better take an interesting on tea, herbal-infused vodka, an equally thrilling herbal liqueur, add green tea, some citrus and a touch of sweet nectar and you have a fantastic new drink called the Dutch Green Tea. The shining stars here are Sonnema VodkaHERB and St. Germain elderflower liqueur. While both are relatively new to the liquor market, they are great assets and are fantastic when combined.

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 oz Sonnema vodkaHERB
• 1/2 oz St. Germain
• 1/2 oz agave nectar
• 1 oz green tea
• 5 oz fresh lemon juice
• flamed lemon peel for garnish

Preparation:

1. Build the ingredients in a collins glass filled with ice.
2. Stir well.
3. Garnish with a flamed lemon peel.

:)  by KENT! 

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KANGTA PALACE

Updated 27/09/2010

'' Mid-Air kick! Can you see that, Robinson? ''  NANI

'' Kick ball or wanna fight with attenders? '' Park and Lee

'' OUCHHHH! That's my ball . Not my head! '' Evans

'' Ball is rolling to other side. Why you still wanna step on my foot? '' NANI

'' Hey youuu. Watch out! Don't kick my ass! '' Michael Owen

'' Where's the ball? Fly to the sky? '' TAYLOR

'' DUMBO TAYLOR! The ball is behind you. '' BERBATOV

Owen rescues point for Fergie

Michael Owen rescued a point for Manchester United after Sir Alex Ferguson's men twice had to come from behind against Bolton at the Reebok Stadium.

Owen nodded home Nani's free-kick 16 minutes from time to ensure United did not join the other victims on a weekend of shock defeats.

Yet it was hardly a pleasing outcome for Ferguson, who would have hoped for better once Nani levelled Zat Knight's early effort but instead saw his team fall behind again thanks to Martin Petrov.

As United have now conceded nine goals in five league games and trail leaders Chelsea by three points, it was not the best of weekends for them, nor an out-of-sorts Wayne Rooney, who was replaced by Federico Macheda half an hour from the end.

Saturday's results could not have worked out any better for United and the intent behind their attacking play was obvious from the first kick, but defensively they remain unconvincing.

The absence of Rio Ferdinand with Wednesday's Champions League encounter with Valencia in mind was a further indication that all is not well with the England skipper. And without him, life continues to be a struggle.

A late goal at Fulham, two in injury-time at Everton and a Steven Gerrard brace against Liverpool last weekend when the Reds did not have a single shot of note in open play during the entire game is not a record to be proud of.
To that crime sheet can now be added Knight's back flick. The defender's third goal in as many years could not be described as conventional.

But once Patrice Evra moved away from the far post he was supposed to be patrolling when Petrov curled over his corner, the target was wide enough for him to steer the ball into once he had escaped the attentions of Jonny Evans.
That United would score themselves was never really in doubt such was their dominance of possession in key midfield areas. The problem was whether they would concede again in the meantime.

Edwin van der Sar was forced to make a couple of vital interventions as Kevin Davies and Johan Elmander made their presence felt, with Evans not looking entirely comfortable.

At the other end, United's play was incisive and both Giggs and Rooney wasted decent chances. The manner of the visitors' equaliser would have come as a disappointment to Owen Coyle. Nani deserved plenty of credit for his ambition as he set off racing towards the Bolton goal from inside his own half.

However, the Trotters defence just kept inviting him to run and the Portuguese winger had got to the edge of the area before he drilled an impressive shot past Jussi Jaaskelainen.

In fairness to Bolton, it was something of an aberration given how well they had done at closing down space around their penalty area and forcing United into pumping a succession of crosses into the box.

It was a tactic United persevered with after the interval and eventually resulted in the substitution of an ineffective Rooney half an hour from the end.

Rooney's work rate could not be faulted on his first appearance away from Old Trafford since the storm erupted over his private life.

But he does not threaten at the moment and now Owen has taken his tally to three in a week, compared to one for Rooney - from the penalty spot - all season, an interesting selection dilemma looms for Ferguson in Valencia on Wednesday.

Owen was not even on the pitch when Petrov put Bolton back in front, exploiting more poor defensive work to step inside Park then rocket a shot past Edwin van der Sar that flicked off John O'Shea.

The introduction of Federico Macheda did result in an opening for Berbatov but it took Owen's deft near-post flick for the far corner from Nani's free-kick to bring United level.

A late onslaught was expected as United hunted the winner. But it did not materialise, with Elmander, who had wasted an excellent chance to seal victory for Bolton before Owen scored, steering the final opportunity wide.

Bolton Wanderers 2 - 2 Manchester United

'' BALL, I can fly higher than you! '' Joe.M

'' See me FLY and watch me SHOT '' CHRIS

'' Hey look . that's scary! The ball can fly by itself . Amazing! '' Red Devils

'' You see you see. The ball is flying inside the net! '' Michael  Owen

Kuszczak keeps Irons at bay

Carling Cup holders Manchester United did not let absent boss Sir Alex Ferguson down as they came from behind to beat gallant Scunthorpe in Wednesday night's third-round tie at Glanford Park.

Ferguson chose to watch Champions League opponents Valencia instead, leaving Mike Phelan in charge, and there was plenty for the assistant manager to think about as Scunthorpe were rewarded for their terrific start by Josh Wright's superb 19th-minute strike.

But it took only four minutes for Darron Gibson to level and they were ahead before half-time through Chris Smalling.

Two goals from Michael Owen and one from Park Ji-sung in the second half put the result beyond doubt but Scunthorpe got the second goal they deserved in injury time from the impressive Martyn Woolford.

Phelan made 11 changes to the side that beat Liverpool 3-2 on Sunday but it was by no means a weak team, with Rio Ferdinand, Owen, Anderson, Wes Brown, Park and Javier Hernandez all in the starting line-up.

It was the first competitive meeting between the sides and Scunthorpe were determined not to let the chance to upset their illustrious opponents pass them by.

The hosts flew out of the blocks, with Woolford and Eddie Nolan testing Tomasz Kuszczak while Wright sent a fierce volley wide of the post.

United had not heeded the warning, though, and, when Woolford picked out Wright just outside the area in the 19th minute, the midfielder crashed a shot into the top corner.

It was no more than the hosts deserved but their lead lasted only four minutes as Phelan's side levelled out of nothing. A long ball from Smalling found Gibson down the right channel and he sent a pinpoint lob over Joe Murphy.

It was a stunning finish but it did not change the pattern of the game and Scunthorpe should have retaken the lead on the half-hour mark as Michael O'Connor's corner perfectly picked out captain Cliff Byrne at the far post but his header flew over the bar.

And United made their hosts pay in the 36th minute with their second goal. Brown picked up the ball on the right and played in Park, whose cross was coolly turned into the net by centre-back Smalling.

Still Scunthorpe pressed and they were inches away from levelling when Kuszczak again opted not to catch Jonathan Forte's 25-yard effort and could only watch as his punch nearly took the ball inside the far post.

Javier Hernandez and Federico Macheda had been largely ineffective but they combined to good effect on the stroke of half-time, with the Mexican setting up his fellow striker for a header over, before Nolan forced Kuszczak to punch away another shot.

Scunthorpe were soon on the attack again in the second half and the United defence did well to block Byrne's diving header from Nolan's deep cross.

But the hosts' positive approach was leaving them vulnerable on the break, and four minutes after half-time 

Owen made them pay as he netted United's third.

Macheda looked like he had held onto the ball too long but in fact he timed his pass perfectly to release Owen and the former England striker made no mistake.

If that made Phelan breathe a little easier, he was surely able to relax five minutes later as Park tucked away a fourth goal. Anderson's corner was not properly cleared and the Korean had all the time he needed to drill a shot inside the post from 15 yards.

The scoreline, which was already harsh on Scunthorpe, got even more lop-sided in the 71st minute as Murphy parried Park's effort but only as far as Owen, who could not miss from five yards.

Then, with 16 minutes left, United fans were given a first glimpse of their new £7million man as Bebe replaced Park.

The 20-year-old was made to wait for his first touch of the ball, however, as a streaker was given the full run of the Glanford Park pitch for a couple of minutes before finally being tackled by stewards.

The unscheduled interruption also saw a number of United fans throw bottles onto the pitch as they were taunted by the Scunthorpe supporter.

When play resumed, Bebe made his mark with a run and fierce shot that was deflected behind for a corner, while Macheda thought he had made it six but he was denied by the offside flag.

Scunthorpe were now playing for pride but they came within inches of a second goal twice in a minute as first Kuszczak pushed away substitute Bobby Grant's free-kick before Byrne headed just wide.

The Polish keeper then made his best save of a busy night, tipping over Grant's long-range shot, and from the injury-time corner Scunthorpe finally put the ball in the net, and it was fitting that the last word went to Woolford.

Scunthorpe United 2 - 5 Manchester United

'' Are you CRAZY , Gerard? Don't shoot on me! '' Van Der Sar 

'' 3 on 1? Bring it on! Let's see my flying backward kick! '' Berbatov

 

'' BALL. don't fly away from meeee! '' Anderson

'' BOWLING TIME! I want a get 'X' for goal! '' Gerard

Berbatov treble inspires United

Sir Alex Ferguson was indebted to the "genius" of Dimitar Berbatov after the Bulgarian's brilliant hat-trick floored Liverpool at Old Trafford.

Every single member of the United side had need to thank Berbatov at the end after they had tossed away a two-goal advantage against Merseyside opposition for the second weekend running, only for the former Tottenham man to net the winner six minutes from time.


In some very perceptive programme notes, Ferguson suggested to lose a winning position once was bad luck, twice is downright careless.


Now Liverpool can be added to Fulham and Everton as teams United have thrown winning positions away against this season.


They were only spared the sight of Ferguson's fury because of Berbatov, whose header denied Liverpool, who had levelled through Steven Gerrard's double.


The other part of Ferguson's pre-match missive was the declaration that "you must have faith and we are being rewarded this season for our confidence in a player who has a touch of genius about him".


Genius was an apt word to describe Berbatov's contribution, in particular the astonishing overhead kick that had put United two ahead midway through the second-half of a slow burner of a game that eventually turned into a classic.
Ferguson is not the only one in these parts who still feel this is the biggest fixture of the Premier League calendar.
Chelsea, Arsenal and even Blackburn may have won the title since Liverpool last did so in 1990. But with their 18 league championships and five European Cups, they remain the most successful English side, even if United have now joined them on the domestic front.


The atmosphere was crackling at kick-off, although the early action failed to match it.


United did create one excellent opportunity, which Nani wasted when he fired wide after Wayne Rooney's shot had bounced kindly for him after striking Gerrard.


But the game was low on incident until Berbatov broke the deadlock by nodding home Ryan Giggs' corner at the near-post.


TV replays did not show Fernando Torres in a good light.


His performance at Birmingham last week was branded "diabolical" by TV pundit and former Liverpool skipper Jamie Redknapp.


Clearly needing a goal, Torres was again struggling to make an impact.


New United captain Nemanja Vidic, who has suffered more than most at the feet of a man who remains one of the world's best strikers, tidied up one opportunity that had come Torres' way via a fortunate bounce off World Cup final referee Howard Webb.


The Liverpool forward also trundled a disappointing shot way off target after managing to get a quarter of a yard in front of Vidic as the pair turned on the edge of the area.


All this was forgivable. Allowing Berbatov, who had already got in front of the former Atletico Madrid star as Giggs strode up to take the corner, just to stoop for it unchallenged, would not have impressed Roy Hodgson very much.
If defensive questions needed to be asked about that, there was nothing more to do than simply admire Berbatov's brilliance when he doubled his side's lead just before the hour.


It was almost impossible to believe it took just two touches to get Nani's right-wing cross into the net.
But it was precisely that. The first to control with his knee. The second to dispatch an overhead kick which left Pepe Reina rooted to the spot as it bounced in off the crossbar.


In any normal season, the contest would have been over.


However, there is a fallibility about United just now that clearly refuses to rectify itself no matter how harsh Ferguson's words.


The rashness with which Jonny Evans lunged in on Torres as the striker checked back inside the box gave lie to the theory United can operate effectively without Rio Ferdinand, overlooked for the captaincy and missing with a virus.
On the second occasion, John O'Shea could count himself mightily relieved Webb did not reach for the red card once he decided the Irishman had dragged Torres to the ground just outside the box.


The consequences of Webb's ruling would be felt in the eventual outcome.


With both situations though, Gerrard found the corner of United's goal with precision, racing gleefully to the ecstatic visiting fans the second time around to hail a position he could not have expected his team would be in 10 minutes previously.


It looked like United had blown it. Berbatov had other ideas and rose to meet O'Shea cross to give his side victory.

Manchester United 3 - 2 Liverpool